it's those words.

i know i promised to keep off this blog. but this one is just the last shout out i have before i leave.

best friends.
what does it mean? why does it bug me so much?
I don't know, because I guess, I've never had a best friend before.

Period.

Why? Maybe because I don't deserve one. That's my reason for everything.
It hurts just to hear people say it. It hurts even more when those people are the ones you consider, your bestfriends. Oh how envious can I get? Probably very.
That's just the person I am. I probably have more bad things about me, than good. But that doesn't mean that they're not there.

Who knows, that person will come rolling around sooner or later. I just need to have faith, and appreciate what I have now. "What is in a bestfriend any way but another set of ears?" ( I think that's how it was expressed) But having one, I'm guessing won't be that bad. It's that person you can always run onto, that person who knows you better, even more than yourself. But what if that person is just a close friend, what if there are a lot of people like that to you, is there a point to one?
Because"looking for someone, who doesn't want to be found, will just leave you all alone and sad."

Best is defined as nothing better. There could be nothing better than this friend over here. What if someone was a better friend than your bestfriend, what label do they get?
I don't know, but I don't think this'll cut the Jerry Springer show. Oh well.

Shout out to my homies forever <3 Live. Laugh. FRIENDS.

Ange

ps. Don't pity me because I didn't have a grad X sweater, yes I'm talking about you Deion, who helped out with everything and deserved it ( im not being sarcastic, seriously).

been awhile, encore un fois.

June. is beginning and I thought that from now on, i'd just put up blogs in my other blogger. it's www.choco-airways.blogspot.com
it's more convenient that way. this way i won't have to go back and forth with all the different feelings and that crap. SOOOO. follow me/ don't follow me (this one preferably). because that blogger is the one that I publicly answer when I'm asked "so what's your blogger?"
I figured, that while I'm ranting, might as well make it count for those people who actually needs/want to hear it.
I'm actually going to write a rant/welcome june blog there right about now...L OL :) later gaters ;)

formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/choc0loco

bloop.

so im kind of tired of.. being tired all the time.

it's getting kind of..tiring.

tired of everything. tired of trying to forget everything. tired of trying to move on. tired of trying to move on by not doing anything. tired of saying 'tired'.

period.

done.

kay, it's as simple as that.

It gets depressing after a while. After all the hurricane and tornadoes that I bypassed and let through my life. You know what 'they' say. There's always a first for everything. But I never hear, there's an 'ending for everything'. These past couple of weeks, actually this whole month thus far, has been an emotional roller coaster, with addition to school drama and stress. I'd have to say, May of 2010 was the most brutal part of grade 12, especially because it's grad/prom month. It's the month where people get accepted in uni/college, also the month where people accept that they don't want to go to uni/college, also the month where everything in your studies is cramped up your ass and gives you constant discomfort. It's time to grow up people.

It's a part of life. You either go with the flow of the current, or try and win against it. OR YOU CAN DO BOTH AND RIDE IT, and make it yours. (Easy way/Hard way/Angel's way) All up to you.

It's time for me to get back up to my feet. Simply by riding life and trying my hardest. There might be troubles up ahead, and it knocked me down once, and I highly doubt it wouldn't knock me down again. But all I gotta do is get up. No more emo blogs. No more heart broken drama bullshit. No more fairytales but happy endings. It's time to show the world MY guns (not to kill PANDORA) and shoot them like no tomorrow.

Bloop there goes the non motivated, depressed, sad, mind-fucked, cry-baby, pushover, me.

I didn't say that they won't come back, nor they won't hit just as hard or twice as hard as before.

But I gotta keep faith. Hope in tomorrow. Live in today. Trust everything in God. Believe in Jesus. Love my friends and family. Love myself. It would be hard to love myself, but i'll try, and do my best, so that someday, I may love another and in turn would love me too.

Godbless.

Angel is back.

FTW?

so what's this supposed to be huh?

'Do you ever just sit and wonder, 'What the HELL am I doing?''. ARE YOU fucking accusing me of something?.. What the hell am I doing wrong now to make Ms. perfect so mad?

Oh hell no. Don't tell me you read my blog and found out that I was in effing Lethbridge. UGH!

You know what the worst part is?.. I did it to just be rid of you, and u of L because I applied for the wrong reason. I didn't want to go there. First year doesn't matter, but they offered me a 15000 dollar scholarship. I can't just email them and tell them no i don't want to go to your school. I got accepted into SFU already so why would I still go there. For you? HAH. I was willing to. I was willing to give up and pour everything for you. But then I realize, and WONDERED, "WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?" YEAH. It was a stupid choice, and I took responsibility for it, by going to U of L to my sister's bestfriend's place to formally decline. NOT FOR YOU. And it was a scary coincidence (IDONT CARE IF YOU DON'T FUCKING BELIEVE ME) that the wrong phone number was ur kind little brother; if it weren't for him, Who knows where I would have been, probably never heard of again, then the cops would be looking for me; then so many people around me would be affected. Might not be you, but my parents, my friends, my sister, and my sister's friends.. all because I got lost in stupid lethbridge taking it up all by myself.

I know I needed to be alone. And the adventure rush in Alberta was pretty overwhelming and scary, and hopefully will not happen again.

Seriously though, your brother, I never meant to call him. I was lost and desperate. I never knew it was him until he told me who he was. I never asked for his name. I never AND WOULD HAVE NEVER ASSOCIATED with him if I knew he was ur brother. That's why I keep wondering why am I getting constantly linked to you again.

Every depressing thoughts, every tear I shed, has led me no where but distant to you. And I knew that's when I start to heal. Time heals wounds. (any kind of wounds). But every depressing thoughts, every cry baby moment, there's always something, a little things that cheers me up and gives me hope. Even though I CLEARLY know that there isn't. I've accepted that. I've given in to the fact that you will never give me what I want, and that you won't accept me as that. We both know it's not going to work out. But don't fucking post on fucking hotmail. where ur stupid account "Jane Sweet" is still fucking there. Don't fucking tell me that I don't sit and think about what I'm doing. Even if it might be sarcasm and who knows I might be taking it the wrong way. well this is my blog.

Just to put it out there.

I'm bored atm and I love to rant.
I can keep ranting all day about shit that pisses me off.
That's all :) ROAR. LOL.

graff is art.

U of L staircase. Honestly, it wasn't a waste of $75, they pretty much covered me for everything. I know my average isn't that bad, but it's not good either. Seriously $10,000 scholarship? Just proves people don't sign up for these things so they don't get it. I applied, and got accepted for the wrong reasons. And it was stupid. It's like all the decisions I've been making are stupid and just stupid (that's the only word coming into my mind about myself). And now when I try to make things right. Something new comes up. IF YOU GOT A MESSAGE GOD, PLEASE JUST SAY IT TO MY FACE. Why is this happening to me!!!

AAAAH!

ANYWAYS. THIS WALL...

It was pretty sick.

iM glad no one follows me, so I can basically treat this as a rant off site, and if I get found then lucky you. I'd prolly tell my friends. Eventually.