FTW?

so what's this supposed to be huh?

'Do you ever just sit and wonder, 'What the HELL am I doing?''. ARE YOU fucking accusing me of something?.. What the hell am I doing wrong now to make Ms. perfect so mad?

Oh hell no. Don't tell me you read my blog and found out that I was in effing Lethbridge. UGH!

You know what the worst part is?.. I did it to just be rid of you, and u of L because I applied for the wrong reason. I didn't want to go there. First year doesn't matter, but they offered me a 15000 dollar scholarship. I can't just email them and tell them no i don't want to go to your school. I got accepted into SFU already so why would I still go there. For you? HAH. I was willing to. I was willing to give up and pour everything for you. But then I realize, and WONDERED, "WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?" YEAH. It was a stupid choice, and I took responsibility for it, by going to U of L to my sister's bestfriend's place to formally decline. NOT FOR YOU. And it was a scary coincidence (IDONT CARE IF YOU DON'T FUCKING BELIEVE ME) that the wrong phone number was ur kind little brother; if it weren't for him, Who knows where I would have been, probably never heard of again, then the cops would be looking for me; then so many people around me would be affected. Might not be you, but my parents, my friends, my sister, and my sister's friends.. all because I got lost in stupid lethbridge taking it up all by myself.

I know I needed to be alone. And the adventure rush in Alberta was pretty overwhelming and scary, and hopefully will not happen again.

Seriously though, your brother, I never meant to call him. I was lost and desperate. I never knew it was him until he told me who he was. I never asked for his name. I never AND WOULD HAVE NEVER ASSOCIATED with him if I knew he was ur brother. That's why I keep wondering why am I getting constantly linked to you again.

Every depressing thoughts, every tear I shed, has led me no where but distant to you. And I knew that's when I start to heal. Time heals wounds. (any kind of wounds). But every depressing thoughts, every cry baby moment, there's always something, a little things that cheers me up and gives me hope. Even though I CLEARLY know that there isn't. I've accepted that. I've given in to the fact that you will never give me what I want, and that you won't accept me as that. We both know it's not going to work out. But don't fucking post on fucking hotmail. where ur stupid account "Jane Sweet" is still fucking there. Don't fucking tell me that I don't sit and think about what I'm doing. Even if it might be sarcasm and who knows I might be taking it the wrong way. well this is my blog.