So my other blogger thing was officially left behind. If you don't know what it was, too bad. So today I decided to make a new one with my official email address. I've been trying to get my life organize this past year, and so far it wasn't working. It was progressing however, due to a significant person, that I'm sure would not like a shout out. But, I will mention them anyways. Today, I just confessed my undying love for them, and of course, it was a bad idea. Never should I have done that and it was stupid. But I had to get it out, because this person was basically my drive to having achieve all the things I've done this semester. If you didn't already know (if you've read my past blogger site you'd know) that I was emotionally scarred for my ex's leave to Japan in grade 8. WE had this long distance relationship for 3 years, and so my butt was glued to the chair and hands on the keyboard at 2am in the morning until about 4-5 am.so I atleast get 2-3 hours of sleep before school. I didn't really have a life until grade 11, when the almighty sport of rugby was introduced to me, which turned my life around. Aaron, truly mind that I'm still talking to him, in a way that I'm still hoping that something's there. Of course there'll always be something there, but it's not what it was before. He basically know me from inside out, and lately I haven't talked to him, because he has a life. LOL.
Anyways, this person that I've been associating with, affected some of my bad habits, in a matter of months. It was just a bonus that they played rugby as well. Although, this may all seem too good to be true, this person is miles away as well, and they're someone that I really want to see, everyday. They also have an "age complex".. we have a gap of 6 years, as old as my big sister.
I just wanted to thank this person for everything, because it got me jump starting again, however, I may not recover from parting if they decide to accept my confession or not. No one has ever put this effect on me, this is very very odd. I wasn't this crazy over Aaron, and if I was asked to chose who I'd marry, it'd be him (because we just know each other so well and got enough of each other, we might as well be married). But this person, is very special, in alot of ways, the way they talk to me also adds to the tension that I feel now, I don't know if this person will feel the same way as I do; and it's driving me insane. I've never felt the urge to be with someone, because it's wrong in alot of ways possible. I can't let go of this person. They're so beautiful, smart, loving, able to cheer me up with just saying 'hi' or something. This person has had such an impact on me.. that I'm always in a happy mood when they talk to me. The problem is, this person is pure sarcasm, almost everything that this person says has some sarcastic juice dripping on it.
I've never been IN love with anyone except for Aaron, but that's because, he makes up everything I want in a man, I thought I'd never feel anything like that for anyone.. but still.. the "love" i feel for this person, is way different, it's more dominant which is the odd part. I'm going mad just thinking about it.. that I feel like I'm just typing things over and over again.
This person thinks that they're bad and all... and that I shouldn't fall in love with them, because I would just get hurt. And I knew that, all in all, but I was just in denial. I wanted to just live my life and get on with it. But I can't let them go.
This person 13-14 days ago, just told me that the definition of our relationship should just be "friends".. and I know this because I've made a journal (which is weird again) of everyday, of all my thoughts, activities, of having us as "friends". It's weird, I don't keep track, and looking at the stuff I wrote, it makes me cry. I'm desperately in love with this person. It almost influenced my post secondary decisions (which is still possible, because the school that I looked at had rugby and the course of my choice). But today I spilled everything..I dont know what's going to happen.
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