I'm dying..

Why are you doing this to me.

I'm dying.

Crying, Pleading, Begging. To save what was never there. I still try. I need you, want you, accept you for everything that you are. I've never even met you, yet I feel so deeply about you. I know I'm not much, I'm not someone to be proud of, not someone you can be with in public. "People would rather see men holding guns, than holding hands."

I've committed a sin, you said I was your favorite. Why does everything have to be depicted so perfect. Why are you so beautifully made, for someone else and not me. Why am I so subject to seeing you and I together, and end up just getting hurt in the end. I've gone to the depths, that I put you first before my future, I even let you affect my future. I've never done this for anyone, and probably won't do this for anyone ever again.

I want you.

Just you.

And I want you to love me with everything you have. I want to be with you every second of the day, I want to take care of you, and give you my everything.

I know this isn't about what I "want", but it's about what "needs to happen".

But I feel that you're the only one that saved me, and capable of doing anything to me. I need you. God has been trying to help me for so long, that he made me meet you. And I felt the love for you since day 1. I've been happier and felt more upbeat.

You turned my morbid life around in an instance. You've given me hope for something new to me. It's not a phase, it's a step that I took. I know I took at step on forbidden grounds, but God is still with me, he wants me to fight; He thinks I need it, or I'll lose you forever.

I've never wanted/needed, for the first time in my life.. desperately felt the way I've felt for you. God knows I need you, he knows that you'll help me grow, and I'll help you. He wants us to be together, even if human minds think it's wrong. I love you. This is the very true feeling that everyone yearns for, that God present, that I've found, and will never let go of. Even if it kills me, even if I have to risk everything, my whole life, achievements. Nothing means more to me than you.

You know, and God knows this is true; look in my heart. And you'll see that it's true love, that no one else can EVER give me.