Setting up sunday

I know I've been pretty "off" this week. But Sundays are just the best. Being a Catholic doesn't REQUIRE me going to church. I had a rant about that in my other blog, but it's just a friendly reminder to many out there, that it's holy. I go to church because it's the house of God, it's where worships are proclaimed to him and celebrated with many who has faith in him. It's not a requirement, it's a vocational choice. It's made me feel much better.

Speaking of which, I've received communion again. For the past weeks, I've only been asking for blessings, because I feel like "I'm not properly disposed" ; I keep thinking that all I'm doing, liking such person, is a sin. Well if I keep thinking that, if I keep dwelling on the fact that it's VIEWED as a sin, well won't it just become a sin? Won't she just become a sin? Last night's family guy scene, Lois said to her mother, "so a straight couple who don't love each other have more right to get married, that two homosexuals who do love each other".. then her mother said, "yes honey, that's what we raised you to believe" LOL. The thing is, I'm not thinking about that yet. I'm 17. If I really LOVE her, I would've been over there in Lethbridge proposing to her to be my wife and we should gallop away where no one will ever find us. Although I already made a couple of unnecessary steps towards that point, I didn't even meet her yet. I don't know what she'll be like, I don't know what she'll think of me, all I know is that there's this feeling I have for her. It was just too overwhelming, that I poured everything into it. Now I'm on my ass. SUNDAY, going to church, receiving Jesus in me again, letting him help me up, just deflated that massive feeling of loss.

God doesn't want me to be unhappy. He doesn't want her to be unhappy either. He doesn't want anyone to be unhappy. :) I love you GOD!

I just really miss talking to her now though, I feel so empty and boring.

Back to Sunday. It was grreat. We had a little family picnic outside, and it felt so homey. I rarely get to see my parents and spend time with my bro and sisses.. in the hot sun, on a picnic table,played backyard rugby with flipflops and sunglasses with ICECREAM(which was the 'cherry on top'...haha get it.. icecream..haha I get it)!